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November 30, 2008
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That moment when you fall;
when your legs forget how to stand,
when each rise and fall of your chest sends
a shockwave to every nerve, hitting like
a tsunami upon every grain of sand

That moment when you drop;
when your arms forget how to reach,
when you become lifeless,
your limbs hanging uselessly at odd angles

That moment when you die;
when your soul two steps out of your body,
twirling and dancing on the winds,
when your breath seems meaningless,
because oxygen can't save you when you're already gone
I believe in this statement,
but I don't believe in you.

< /3

Don't steal anything from me.
Kaythanks.
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:iconwhench3wysmiles:
WhenCh3wySmiles Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2008
This is tragically beautiful and I love it.
Descriptions of death are always interesting because they vary so drastically based on perspective.
I think this one is one of my favorites... two stepping out of your body... amazing line.
Reply
:iconmisskelsee:
MissKelsee Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2008
Thank you,
Maybe this comes from my belief that no matter how painful
your death is, the transition is always peaceful,
and if not peaceful,
slow and longing
Reply
:iconwhench3wysmiles:
WhenCh3wySmiles Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2008
That's true. It must be more of a relief to die and know that you're going on to a much simpler and more peaceful place. It seems almost comforting.
Reply
:iconnuisance15:
nuisance15 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2008
I think it's breathtaking. Go figure! lol
It's very powerful. I espescially love the last stanza... It's so very... for lack of a better word, poetic. "When your breath seems meaningless, because oxygen can't save you when you're already gone." Absolutely splendid. :clap
:hug:
~M
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:iconmisskelsee:
MissKelsee Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2008
wow <3

and the last sentence?
it came suddenly when I had this exact moment happen to me,
two times,
and what happened afterward,
wasn't so poetic.
Reply
:iconnuisance15:
nuisance15 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2008
mmm.... I'm sorry, luv.
:hug:
~M
Reply
:iconmisskelsee:
MissKelsee Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2008
Thanks,
but I'll be ok.
We live,
we hurt,
we thrive.
It happens,
it'll happen again,
and I'll always be ok.

<3
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not sure if I like this line:

when your soul two steps out of your body,

It doesn't seem fitting to me.
Reply
:iconmisskelsee:
MissKelsee Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2008
well I like it.
it's staying.
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
You're really outrageously negative, almost seem offensive. We can have opinions can't we? I mean you're posting your work for others to read.
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